Monday, March 25, 2013

Birthdays and Compassion

I never thought I would be one of those women (or people) who dislike getting older or won't reveal their age.

It always seemed so silly to me.  Like, everybody ages! Everyone gets older!! Be proud of that number!

The same goes with weight- I think we have a somewhat skewed idea of what weight looks like because there is this unspoken rule that a lady isn't supposed to ever say how much she weighs.

Well, earlier this month I turned 29 and suddenly it seemed like a "Big Deal".  I've written before that I sometimes question whether I am a "Real Adult" (and the answer usually is negative).  But, for some reason, 29 threw me a little bit.  It started out with me joking that I was entering the "last year of my youth", until I realized that I wasn't entirely joking anymore.  I have many friends who have passed 29, who have passed 30, and yet all of a sudden it was freaking me out.

I think overall keeping track of my goals on here has helped me to see the big picture.  That even if 29 isn't what I imagined it would look like at 19, that I have a firm sense of direction towards what things will be like at 34 or 39.  I'm making changes and making progress and usually feel like I'm on the right track.  But birthdays still sometimes mess with that.

It isn't just about the numbers, either.  When I started running again recently it felt much more strenuous than when I was in college.  I could have a few drinks, not get drunk, and yet still feel hungover the next day.  Realizing my body isn't going to stay young forever was surprising in that I couldn't believe it WAS surprising.  Obviously my body isn't going to be 22 forever! Except maybe?
This is what I look like after a party now that I'm sooo old.
Once I realized I was slightly freaking out over my age, I made a conscious choice to allow it.  I acknowledged that it is fine to sometimes panic about getting older, and that even if I knew I was working on stuff, sometimes the brain still wants to panic.  Once I allowed it, and let it be there, I didn't really notice it as much.  Once the resistance against the panic was gone (of being one of those people), the panic didn't really seem that bad.  It wasn't so much panic as...mild anxious thoughts.  And that is something I can totally deal with.

This was also a really helpful reminder about being non-judgmental of others.  That thing I was sooo condescending about last month or last year? Totally experiencing myself now, thanks Universe!  I needed that little nudge!  But seriously, a struggle is a struggle is a struggle, and even if someone else's struggle doesn't make sense to me, it doesn't mean it isn't just as valid (or that I won't one day have the same one).  So, as my last post was a reminder to myself about self-compassion, so this is a reminder of compassion towards others.


2 comments:

  1. I knew there would be a day when being the younger twin would be cooler! ;)

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